This weekend I ran into someone who at one time in my life, I never imagined my life without. And then, in a blink of an eye, was gone. No, this person didn’t die. Clearly. But three years ago, it was almost like they did. A few months ago, this person came back into my life. And then left, again. Now this person came back once more. It’s ironic really, because at one time I never imagined my life without this person, and now, I never imagined my life with this person. How could I? That was a whole other life ago, Tyler Scott not only left me. He abondoned me, without thinking twice left me completely alone taking on the world without him. He did this after being the person I gave my life to for six months. The person I planned on marrying and having children with. The person who’s family I loved and adored. The person who was my world. The person I first loved. After all of that he left me for another girl. He stayed with her for four years and had a baby with her. And now, he’s back? Looking me in the eyes and telling me he is sorry? Four years later. So, what do I do now? I don’t know If I have feelings for him still. To me, he’s the person who changed me into the person I am. I don’t know how to interpret that when it’s standing right infront of me. Sure, I care about him. I always will. But people are capable of doing anything, and he’s the person who made me realize that. The truth of the matter is, we’re both different people. We’ve both changed. There isn’t a crystal ball infront me telling me what’s going to happen from here. There isn’t a God standing next to me telling me he’s still the same. So, really, there isn’t anything else for me to do except to shake his hand, because lets face it; I’m meeting this person for the first time.
“It’s impossible,” said Pride.
“It’s risky,” said Experience.
“It’s pointless,” said Reason.
“Give it a try,” whispered The Heart
The moment when I am the only one in the world who truly notices my external beauty. Realizing, it’s okay. Knowing, that they just don’t understand.
Even though I have talked about this person before in my past posts, I’d like to talk about this person now. I have experienced him to be this beautiful, incredible, admirable person. And then, I have experienced him to be terrible. I believed in him, and looked to him when I was desperate for compassion. I needed him, I wanted him. But like everyone else, he left me behind. He pushed me aside. And what he doesn’t know is that I could be everything he doesn’t have. I am that girl that he falls for when he kisses me, and I will always be that girl. I want to be the one he looks forward to seeing everyday, and I want him to miss when he can’t. I’m not asking for his love, or his last name. I just want him to want me. But it’s nonsensical, it doesn’t fit into play because he already does feel this way. For someone else.
Today I was offended by something someone posted on Facebook. Ludicrous, right? It was about the stupidy of teenage parents, and their in compitence of parenting a child. I spoke my mind, and I stated a valid point. But I was in return attacked. They are wrong. Yea it’s difficult raising a child with little financial support, but the love of a mother is unconditional. It’s fragile and its infinite, unlike anything else in this world. A mother, will take on the challenge and do whatever it takes to care for her baby. Whether she needs to work two jobs, pull all nighters to get to college, and risk losing her social life a mother will do it. It’s about responsiblity. God has a plan for all of us as his people, and with family, a car, a job, and discipline taking on the plan God has for us would be rather elementary. It’s superifical and impertinent to make a comment about people you have little understanding of, considering their obvious lack of experience with the situation. A child is a blessing, truly.
Yea, he means a lot to me. But this isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. Ya know? When he texts me and tells me he misses me, now I’m strong enough to say he was wrong. He understands, but why would I take another risk? Do I think I could love him, sure, I mean when I’m wasted I can’t control myself with telling him that I do. I know what I want. Whether it’s him or not, I wan’t someone to care about me. He does, I know but I want someone who doesn’t have anyone else to care about the way he cares about me. And he does, and she is beautiful. I don’t want to compete with her, she doesn’t deserve to be hurt either. And I already have been, I have experience, so she’s the one he should have. She’s the one he should love, but that’s just it. There is always someone better.
